Monday, June 16, 2014

TBIs and relationships

It doesn't matter the depth of the relationship; usually it's hard for the other person in the relationship to relate to the TBI victim. Most TBI sufferers end up being "different" post-injury. Their behaviors, attitudes, expressions, understanding, personality, etc. one or more or all together change and make the person you knew, before their TBI, act and behave like a completely different person. That's hard on a person; no one prepares for, or expects, their loved one or friend or acquaintance to not behave as they did before they were injured. What's more is that most TBI victims don't even know they have changed, they don't even remember how they used to be (because most people don't sit and evaluate how they interact with others while taking notes).

Now and even before my accident, I didn't have many friends and even fewer were intimately close to me. Having my close friends talk with me, help me understand social interactions again and tell me all that is different, good and bad, helps me a lot. I don't know who I was or how I acted, but I know the behaviors I'm incorporating that I do not like. I try to be consistent in paying attention to how I'm behaving and what and how I say things now. True friends stay with you, no matter how hard things become and I am sincerely thankful for all of my friends.

This past twelve-month has been extremely difficult for me, there were more downs than ups and it was a terrible rollercoaster-esque experience. After I received my settlement, I was still not in the right state of mind regarding my brain injury and recovery. I know now, but did not know then, that I foolishly wasted money. Almost all of the things I bought, with the expectation of being able to keep, I had to sell or donate--because things got that bad, to where I couldn't keep much and really needed the money.

My son is happy and healthy. He's a little champ, powering through all these changes and things being unstable. I'm proud that he is now potty trained, drinking out of "big boy" cups (no more sippy cups!) and he's talking a lot more!

My relationship with my husband has crumbled. A lot of bad things happened in quick succession, in a short amount of time, that stressed me our considerably but also sent him into a depression. In his depression, he was getting really angry and hateful--because our financial situation was really bad and getting worse, not to mention that he probably felt like a failure. It was a long period of time where things were just getting worse and stress levels were rising, which meant it was even harder for him to adapt to my new self. I am now divorced, however if was a uncontested/friendly divorce.

After our divorce was completed and even during the court day, he had been considerably cordial. My now ex-husband is doing his best and being friendly, mostly so that our son doesn't see us fight (which is good, I was thinking along  those lines, as well). I'm hoping thing get better as time goes on. I'm tired of being stressed out.

I'm still in college, hoping not to work while going to school (because last time I failed) and caring for my son who is growing up too fast for my comfort.

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