Sunday, December 22, 2013

Getting more anxious

We were able to get the Boy a bunch of presents this year, well not a lot but more than last year. I'm so excited to see him open his presents. Yay!

I failed 2013 fall semester so I have to drop out of spring and try to figure out how I'm going to do college now. I'm currently very frustrated by this, I wish I could say that failing was my fault but I can't because it's my brain injury's fault and it wasn't even my fault that I have a brain injury. I used to be able to go all day at 100% on only 4 or 5 hours of sleep, but now I need 8 to 10 hours of sleep to go 90% until about 11 at night.

Now, I have to figure out how I'm going to afford rent, car insurance, electric, gas for the apartment and gas for my vehicle next year when I'll only be making minimum wage at less than full time hours. I started SSDI proceedings last fall and they're still ongoing, so I have anxiety over that--> what if my SSDI check isn't enough to cover rent + bills + car insurance + other necessities? My anxiety is building and it is not pleasant. Not only am I anxious about all the things that need to get paid monthly... since I can work, if I do get accepted, I won't be able to work full time and my SSDI will probably be decreased as well, which means more anxiety. Oh! I also cannot do college until I either get government funding straightened out or I can afford classes out of pocket. Which, I know that I will never be able to afford classes out of pocket and I still need to pay back a loan I took out for this semester which I know will not happen.

If anyone knows that guy who hit me, I would appreciate if you passed on a little message to him from me:

Thank you, so very much for setting my life back in more ways than just one. I appreciate that, although I was starting to get my life straightened out before you hit me, those proceedings either have to be halted by years or stopped completely. It is also heartwarming that I will, more than likely, never have anymore children because who in their right mind would have kids when they can barely afford to take care of themselves. You, sir, and your negligence that evening are awesome.

Thanks.

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

2013 is almost over!

Holy cow, this year went by fast...I mean there were some weeks that did just drag on, but it's already December 17th! A lot has happened this year!


  • My boy turned 2 years old this year!
  • I got my CNA certification
  • I almost started working at a nursing home
  • I have a vehicle, home, furniture (granted all for obvious reasons)
  • I was/am in college, although I just failed this semester
Wow, I'm sure there was more. I turned 26 this year...which next year I'll be 27 (Oh, no!).

I'm working on getting approval for another career/job so that more income will be brought into my family. This last thing seems to be taking the most time--but only because I have to do it in the very limited spare time that I have. Things are a lot easier when people are helping me and working with me instead of doing it by myself or people purposefully working against me.

I know at my current workplace, my direct boss is working with me so that I can be promoted. My boss's boss is nervous about the promotion because it took me longer to learn the position than it takes others and because I am unsure if I actually know what to do. Sometimes I wonder if I should contact people higher up, just to make sure my workplace stays on it's toes and doesn't discriminate against me, but usually my suspected issue is resolved (without me saying anything) after a day or two. 

This past week, I've been having problems coming up with foods to make for each meal. I am not exactly sure why, sometimes I think that maybe I should go and buy more food so that I have more of a selection to choose from but then I realize I do have a lot, I just have to think about what to make with it all. Hmm, I know a couple of people that have links to websites that can help me out so I think I'll contact them about it.

I don't think that we have many presents for the boy, for Christmas. I hope that we'll be able to get some more stuff before next week but I don't think that will be possible. At least he'll have a good holiday. 

Well, that was a good update. Hopefully I'll remember to keep up here, more often than not.

Monday, December 16, 2013

I failed this semester.

I am so angry about this and mainly because I failed for the sole fact that I did not get any sleep. No sleep equals cannot concentrate, cannot learn, cannot do anything. Argh. I can't even retake these classes next semester, I have to take different courses until I can afford these two classes out of pocket! How annoying. I didn't even expect to not get sleep this semester!

Next semester, I'm only taking one class.