Sunday, April 28, 2013

Stop living in the past.

That's what I learned today--actually it was more a confirmation of what should be done, made to me (or, rather the congregation), this morning. That's important and something to keep my mind on--focus on our future, I can't change the past. I wish I could change the past; however, no amount of wishing is going to make that happen. So, what am I going to do tomorrow? Will I make all efforts to improve our lives and future? Will I do everything in my power to let nothing wrong or negative happen? Yes, I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure that all our tomorrows are as perfect and happy as they ought to be. I will also make a conscious effort to not think about the past.

So, tomorrow. There's a doctor appointment we must go to. I also have to call the college I'm attending to double check some information and complete a couple of things. Hopefully, I will have time to read through the skills that I'm supposed to know by now (ugh). No big deal. So far nothing on tomorrow's to-do list seems difficult or has a presence of looming danger.

Anywho. What I was thinking about today:

I really do like my vehicle. No, I will not tell you what it is because I'm paranoid and also have stalkers (yes, creepy as it is, they're there). It's an awesome vehicle with remote start, push-button folding seats, adjustable pedals...and other bits of awesomeness. I really, really, really like it.

Now, I have to go make a shopping list. So....I'm going to go do that now.

Saturday, April 27, 2013

Class ended on Thursday!

The last day of clinicals was today. I passed my classes so I get a certificate that I completed the training and am eligible to take the state test. Hopefully the state test isn't as difficult as I'm dreading it being. I'd really like to pass it and get my license. I'm excited, the next two weeks are going to be busy with appointments so time will pass quickly. I need to make sure that I read the skills everyday until test day, I think that will be enough to ingrain them all into my memory.

Thursday, April 25, 2013

Last day of classes! Then, college!

Okay, the ADA representative at the college gave me awesome advice and information for what I need. But, it would really benefit me to get everything at least one week before classes start. This makes me sad. My classes start on May 28 and my appointment is on May 23. I did try to get an earlier appointment, but apparently...it's not important? or....this doctor has to be the one that sees me? ...I don't know...it's still frustrating that I can't see anyone earlier, though.

I need to remember to buy a recorder, so that I can get the whole speech and listen to it just in case I missed anything. This particular class is going to be difficult, ugh. I wish things were easier, but they're not and it's no good getting down on it. I should do fine, I refuse to let myself fail.

Today was the last day of classes, but we still have clinicals on Saturday. Then, we won't be doing the state exam until May 11. I'll be practicing and studying until then, hopefully everything will go well. There is so much that needs to get done still...

Monday, April 22, 2013

I'm relieved

I checked online what I owed the college and it doesn't say anything about my financial aid, so I was worried. Well today, I went in to talk to the FA office and she said that it's in the system and I'm okay. But, I still need to check for the Autumn-Spring semesters.

Also, I am doing spectacular in my current classes: mostly A's and a couple of B's! Today, our instructor "tested us out", basically a mock-test. I did horribly, but I just need practice--not to mention that my memory is good for nothing. She thinks that I will do just fine, though, and not only that but I am going to be studying a lot harder now. Now that I know what I need to work on, I refuse to let myself fail.

College doesn't start until May 28th and I still need to register for Autumn. Things seem to be falling into place, though, so I'm really not worried anymore. ETA: I'm still anxious about the ADA stuff, but anxiety isn't going to get me anywhere, I just need to wait until my doctor gets back...

Sunday, April 21, 2013

That was fun

Clinicals were fun, I mean that, too. I learned a bit more and feel very comfortable about taking the state test soon. I didn't like that I was asked to do something that is outside of my scope of practice, (way out of it, considering I am unemployed!) so I refused and found my instructor. My instructor appreciated the info and said I did well, which is good to know since I wasn't too sure if I did right.

There is going to be a lot to get done this week, none of it is difficult but it is a lot. Also, maybe my doctor will get back to me soon about ADA because I am so anxious about that information and going into classes.

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Clinicals

This Saturday. On the East side.

Great.

Ah well, it'll be just like any other clinical: facilities aren't usually the best places to live, let alone work in. It'll be just like the other clinicals that I've done, hopefully the day won't go by as slow as my classmates are dreading. This shouldn't be too hard either, the most difficult thing for me is going to be the state test. Ugh.

We went to the college campus today to get some things finished before classes begin. Then, we went to PC Medic to get my laptop. (It's kind of annoying that some things are conking out on me in succession, but that's life)

Things are going to get better soon and I'm very excited about that. I am slightly nervous about clinicals and the state test, but I know I can do it.

Thursday, April 11, 2013

College!!!

Well, clinicals are in another week or two, which is awesome.

I went to my local college campus today and registered for classes. I'm excited! I've taken the placement tests to know what level of Match and English I am at. For English, I scored high enough to take honors classes (which I won't be registering for because that's more work than I want to do). For Math, I scored where I figured I would and because of that I have to take more Math courses than what's listed on the prerequisites. (And, I'm ashamed of my Math capabilities so I refuse to tell you just where I scored!) My summer classes start on May 28th!

I need to remember to register for Fall classes on April 22nd. I can't take too many classes per semester because of my brain injury--right now, at least--but I'll see how it goes as the classes progress. I am hoping to be working by June, though. I'm putting a lot on my plate right now: college classes, work and caring for my son. Now, for most people that is doable, slightly stressful but still doable. For me, however, it's going to be hard. ETA: Going to college, while working and taking care of our son will be very hard for me, next to impossible, but I am sure I can do it. (The last sentence in this paragraph seemed unfinished to me.)

I need to see if there are any books I can get from the library to brush up on my Math skills, lol.

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Only a few more days!

Classes are only Monday through Thursday, which is pretty cool. The classes go slow, which is why they take four weeks, that way people can do well and have enough time. I really like the pace, I found out that we're a day behind and I don't understand why. I wonder if the instructor will double up a day or two just to get us back on track. I kind of hope so, I'd hate to miss anything that may be vital to what we need to learn.

I really like that will all of the paperwork that I've finished and the tests we've taken so far, I've gotten A's. I know I've done this before and it was my job for about fourteen months (total), but I didn't have extensive experience with all of the information that I've been learning these past few days. These instructors are awesome, they really have taken the time and put in the effort to help people learn what they need to know.

Gosh, I can't wait for clinicals. I really need to get the rest of the paperwork finished, since it's due on Thursday. I'm excited, things are going so well now!

Thank you, readers!

I'm not sure if I posted a thank you to all of you who have given me support, encouragement, thoughts and prayers, so here it is.

You all have no idea how much I appreciate your well wishes or your reading my blog--no matter which post you came to or how many you've read--it's unbelievable to me. I don't think that what happened to me or what I've been through is really that big of a deal, to me it's not important. Yeah, I know what I've gone through and what I've overcome, but I suppose in my head, it could have been worse (I am quite thankful that it wasn't).

I remember that the process of recovery, along with the setbacks and sad moments (like those 8 months without my son) were difficult. The whole process was work, and hard work that I really did strive to get through and accomplish. I am proud of myself for getting so far in my recovery, although I do know that this is going to be a life-long "battle" towards normalcy, that I may or may not accomplish by the time I die. I am quite close to where I was before the accident and like I've posted before, my only problems are memory and word finding--maybe even cognitive and logical thinking, too. I don't like that it takes me awhile to process things, whether written or spoken, but that's life now. I suppose that I am basically accepting life as it is now, though continuing to work towards "normal". I am happy with how far I've come and how far I plan to go.

I believe that the reason I've come so far, so quickly, is because of all of you readers and people out there who take time out of your day to help me and/or pray for me and/or support me. There really are no sufficient words to express how much I appreciate all of you.

Saturday, April 6, 2013

I have to remember that time is on my side.

Gah. I'm impatient about everything. I want:

  • STNA classes over
    • STNA license/certification
  • College classes to become an RN
    • My RN license
  • A baby
    • Pregnancy
    • New baby things
  • New-ish car, like a Honda or Toyota sedan
  • House
and I want this stuff now.


I know that classes for anything take me time. I know that it takes awhile for me to process and comprehend things--shoot, today we were at Home Depot and the salesperson was acting like an ass because I was taking a long time to say what I wanted and comprehend what he was saying. Okay, I understand that my stupidity (okay, I know it's a brain injury and that I'm not really stupid, but I feel stupid) is not visible, that people don't know that I have problems until I tell them. Still, I'd like to be an RN already! I'd like to have that gas-efficient vehicle already! I'd like to have our next squish already! I would like a house, darn it! And, I'd like that stuff now...

I should relax. Time is on my side, even though I want ten kids, ha ha.

I was thinking, though. What if I get my CNA in mid May, then get hired approximately by June and go to college classes right after or during my CNA classes? What if? Well, I would be in college for my RN and working as a CNA, that's not too bad. It would probably be more difficult if I became pregnant during that period, especially since the classes in college that I will be taking would be two years.

Oh, geez. I'm even thinking that if I start working in June, in order to incorporate FMLA with pregnancy I would have to work for five months or longer before actually becoming pregnant. If I do that, I would have been working for the facility for fourteen months--but I would also be going to college classes. I didn't really think about how taxing that would be for my brain until now. Now, I have to really think about this: I'll be pregnant while working and going to school--can my brain handle that?

I don't know.

Thursday, April 4, 2013

I am Proud of Myself!

I have only gotten through seven of the ten chapters and questions, but I'm working on finishing all ten. I didn't know that classes are only Monday to Thursday, with clinicals on Saturday--which don't begin until the second or third Saturday of classes. We ordered uniforms/scrubs yesterday, which was kind of neat, I want to buy white nurse shoes but probably won't.

We have a chapter test every day, so it's been chapters one to three so far, we will be doing chapter four on Monday. I got an 'A' on the chapter one test, then a 'B' on the chapter two test--I need to look that over to see what I missed. This last test, chapter three, I got an 'A' but I missed something that I had to do from pure memory--which I don't have a very good memory to begin with. Hopefully with tomorrow and the weekend, I'll be able to do a better job on the next chapters.

I'm so proud of myself, I didn't think I would do so well. Practicing the skills is fun and my classmates seem to have a better understanding of my humor. I made a bad first impression with my dark humor, but they aren't picking on me anymore, they're actually joking with me.

I can't wait for the classes to be over but they can't move any faster or I won't do as well.

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Randomly

Well, first, I continued my SSDI application but I'm not sure how far that's going to go. I think if I can get decent accommodations for my disability, work should be fine. By disabilities, I mean that I have a hard time remember what I did early in the morning (like 8am) by the time 4pm rolls around, also I have difficulty remembering words and it takes me a very long time to process things whether they are said or written--which is why it took so long for me to get through my papers. I did up to chapter 6 but I have 4 more chapters to go. At least the classes I am in right now are moving slow enough that I will be able to process what I'm trying to relearn.

Yesterday went well. I like the instructor that I met, the initial instructor during orientation switches off weeks with her. So, the orientation instructor will be teaching us next week. There was a lot of talking going on, but I'm sure that will diminish as the weeks go on. I need to reread chapter one so that I'm prepared for the chapter test tonight.

Anyway, I had a bout of baby rabies the past 2 days because I've been wanting to be pregnant and have another baby since I was 6 weeks post partum. Then, what made it worse was that a girl I know just had her baby recently and I held the newborn squish. I just want more babies and I know it's not the right time, but that doesn't make the feeling go away.

I can't wait for things to straighten out and we're in a better place, then we can have all the babies that I've been wanting for years!!!