Sunday, December 22, 2013

Getting more anxious

We were able to get the Boy a bunch of presents this year, well not a lot but more than last year. I'm so excited to see him open his presents. Yay!

I failed 2013 fall semester so I have to drop out of spring and try to figure out how I'm going to do college now. I'm currently very frustrated by this, I wish I could say that failing was my fault but I can't because it's my brain injury's fault and it wasn't even my fault that I have a brain injury. I used to be able to go all day at 100% on only 4 or 5 hours of sleep, but now I need 8 to 10 hours of sleep to go 90% until about 11 at night.

Now, I have to figure out how I'm going to afford rent, car insurance, electric, gas for the apartment and gas for my vehicle next year when I'll only be making minimum wage at less than full time hours. I started SSDI proceedings last fall and they're still ongoing, so I have anxiety over that--> what if my SSDI check isn't enough to cover rent + bills + car insurance + other necessities? My anxiety is building and it is not pleasant. Not only am I anxious about all the things that need to get paid monthly... since I can work, if I do get accepted, I won't be able to work full time and my SSDI will probably be decreased as well, which means more anxiety. Oh! I also cannot do college until I either get government funding straightened out or I can afford classes out of pocket. Which, I know that I will never be able to afford classes out of pocket and I still need to pay back a loan I took out for this semester which I know will not happen.

If anyone knows that guy who hit me, I would appreciate if you passed on a little message to him from me:

Thank you, so very much for setting my life back in more ways than just one. I appreciate that, although I was starting to get my life straightened out before you hit me, those proceedings either have to be halted by years or stopped completely. It is also heartwarming that I will, more than likely, never have anymore children because who in their right mind would have kids when they can barely afford to take care of themselves. You, sir, and your negligence that evening are awesome.


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