Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Here's an overly informative post.

I recently decided to get Paragard a copper IUD that is good for 10 years. Yeah, I'm sad but it's for the best right? Oh, and I guess I haven't been regular, but I wouldn't know since I just started keeping track last year (yay, for period apps). Last year once cycle was like 50 or 60 some days, that's a lot. So, I expected one of these months to follow suit. I'm almost two weeks late, which is no big deal and I'm expecting to start bleeding like a stuck pig soon. Yay for being a woman.

Otherwise, I wanted to finish the math work that I had missed on the online computer program that my class was doing this semester. I couldn't finish up the work because the program is closed up, which is sad. I have a feeling I'm going to fail which sucks....especially if I have to retake the course.

Grr. Argh. Oh, I need to go take my medication.

Friday, July 26, 2013

Feeling neutral

I'm not as badly depressed today, in fact, I don't think I was that snippy. I could have been, but I don't know. Don't feel annoyed, angry, sad or depressed. My mind isn't wandering and my thoughts are more focused--redundant sentence, much? Lol.

Tried to make appointments earlier but no one answered the phone. I went to my chiropractor today with the boy. One of the discs in my neck is significantly degenerated, which is sad and explains the pain, numbness and tingling from my neck down my right arm, hand and fingers. All this time I thought it was carpal tunnel and that being disproven earlier this year, no one told me what was going on until today. The chiropractor said it was probably due to the car accident, but I'm not sure since these symptoms started when I was ~16 years old and they only got worse after the accident...if that makes sense. I have to go for six appointments in two weeks to see if there's any improvement. Although, I wonder what they can do about a degenerated disc. Oh, and my neck curves backwards, now to figure out how to explain that one...

Thursday, July 25, 2013

Okay. So, I was melodramatic.

I'm doing a bit better now. I refilled one of my antidepressants, took one today and I will continue to take them daily until all my triggers go away and leave me alone. At most, it'll be two weeks before I feel a significant difference, however I already feel better now and I think that's mostly in my head since I know I took the meds.

I'm planning the Boy's birthday party and am very excited about that. I have been asking my friend for two (or has it been three?) weeks if I could use a specific location and she has yet to answer me. I gave up on that since obviously I'm not going to get an answer, and I moved his party to a different location. I'm not sure if I have to contact anyone for it, I hope not, but it's going to be there. We're going to have fun. I don't have the money for decorations but there will be tons of food and hopefully a lot of children and games. My son has so much fun, I hope that he doesn't get overwhelmed by his party. At the same time, I hope that it's not a tiny party with a bunch of no-shows. That would make me sad, if no one showed up.

Life needs to start getting better already.

Monday, July 22, 2013

Yesterday was fun.

I met my BFF, her kids and family, then later on another friend of mine from church, at the amusement park. BFF's kids had a blast, along with their cousins on all of the rides. My son had a lot of fun and it was a long day for him. He really enjoyed the roller coaster and the rides that spin. BFF and her family left after maybe an hour, which was fine.

The Boy and I stayed a bit later because my other friend's daughter wanted to go on more rides that she missed from arriving a bit late. She had the best of times! I felt bad because we all had to leave before she got to experience the roller coaster, but we had to go to church. It was all in all a great day.

I know the Boy and I probably won't be able to go back to the park this coming weekend, so it's a good thing the tickets don't expire. Maybe we'll all go next weekend.

ETA (7/22/2013 3:45pm)
It was a cheapy kid's amusement park. Nothing fancy like Six Flags or Walt Disney, btw.

Sunday, July 21, 2013

A couple of things...

Blocking you like a boss! Lol, I like that term.

Church is tomorrow and I'm excited! There's a lot of good things planned for morning and evening services. I have to ask permission for an event, but I might forget (hopefully not). I can't forget to go to the library, either.

I should probably make The Boy something, perhaps a sweater? I don't know. I have to finish the soaker I started a few weeks ago. I keep meaning to make myself a shawl too.

Hmm...just so much I want to do.

I hope that certain people don't feel that they are the reason for certain events in my life, either. Life happens, decisions are made, then life goes on. I do what I want, how I want, when I want, so it's not like anyone else but me is to blame. I wish I could talk to someone about some things, just for clarity and peace of mind, though.

Saturday, July 20, 2013

Lies. (+1)

I was informed, again,  that my sister-in-law misses my son. Where's the lie, you ask? Mainly: I don't believe it. Why would she miss my boy after stealing food out of his mouth? What, does she miss being able to steal from him/us? That's the only conclusion that I can come to. It's no big deal, though. She will not be given another opportunity to meet our boy. The other thing I'm thinking is that my mother-in-law is lying again, trying to get Hubs to reconcile. Mother-in-law has tried it before, earlier this year. Back then, mother-in-law told hubs that sister-in-law was crying and begging forgiveness (so that we can all be "one big happy family"). Hubby and I know that was a lie, since Carrie spouted on her Facebook that mother-in-law had told her we had done the same thing of crying and begging. The thing is: you could not pay us to reconcile with her and she's so "hurt" over being caught and prosecuted that she doesn't want anything to do with us.

I don't know, maybe Hubs and I are the odd-ones-out since we don't believe that "family can do no wrong". I guess I understand that most parents want their children to get along and everything to be hunky-dory. It's just not going to happen.

We just take the law seriously, I suppose. No one is above the law, so why make exceptions just for "family", you know?

Otherwise (+1)

I need to finish up my homework so that I'm set for finals. There are some problems that I have to really focus on because I am so completely baffled by how this program is getting it's answers! Also, summer semester is almost complete. I think that fall semester begins one week after? I don't know. But, I'm psyched!

Friday, July 19, 2013

Today is already a long day.

And, it's only 1:30pm! The Boy and I had an early morning appointment. Hubs had to go to classes. Later this afternoon, closer to early evening, the Boy and I are going to another city for a party. Or, at least I ought to bring him, it's just that it'll be a late party and I like to keep him on his sleep schedule. Maybe I won't have to stay for too long, hopefully not past his bedtime.

I'm so proud of the Boy, too. He's talking a lot and he loves climbing. I try and keep him busy outside, climbing on jungle gyms. He seems to have a lot of fun with that, although he tends to just like the play-steering wheels. I don't think he's too keen on slides or the swings, which I'm sure it'll just take him time to get used to.

Also, I'm very happy to announce that his teeth are quite healthy: no cavities! Tooth brushing, FTW!

Thursday, July 18, 2013

3 years!

I can get my associates in nursing in 3 years minimum! Yay! I'm excited about that. Now, to go find work while going to school. Other than that, my BFF is trying to start schooling again herself and I'm excited for her!

Now, I need to figure out what exactly I need to finish in order to get this other thing done so that I can focus better on college.

These past 3 weeks have been tough and I now have a migraine.

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

I am so done.

Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.

That's what I got for you. Because I have several things I want to blog about, which would make me feel so much better, yet I cannot blog about them because you keep stalking me! You freaking creeper, I'll vent my feelings on you, since you want to keep coming back here to see if I'm talking about you. All I want to do is journal out how I feel about various situations going on in my life and there you are, reading up on what I'm doing or feeling, maybe to make sure I'm not talking about you but mostly so that your dirty self can badmouth me to your dirty friends and family. Just so you know: I don't want to vent out personal frustrations against you and your nasty self because I'm completely over you and your drama. No, I want to vent personal frustrations about my personal life, which honestly does not involve you. It's my business which I choose to not include you in on. You don't deserve to know what I'm mad about!

I'm so mad! Nothing is easy! Nothing is going my way! I can't even yell about what is irritating me! I can't blog about it! Gah! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad! Mad!

Saturday, July 13, 2013


I wish that I could update on the board. Well, I mean I know I can, it's just I also know that my posts are starting to annoy some people--which I want to avoid and so that's why I'm creating this blog post just in case anyone tracking my progress wants to know.

  • I love my husband to pieces and I hope that we find out what is wrong with him soon because his illness is really taking over and I hope that we can fix what ever it is.
  • I asked God what would be the better path to follow and He told me nursing. I re-registered for my nursing prerequisites and will start those this Fall.
  • I should be done with my licensing in ~3 years, which is fine. In the mean time: more babies (lol).
  • I will be starting work at a new facility soon, I hope as soon as next week. I will get more sleep during this time since I know I need more sleep now than before.
  • I wanted to take as many classes as my brain can handle and I think that two will be my maximum this semester. Hopefully by Spring, I will be able to do 3 class at a time, right?
I'm really pushing my anxiety back because worrying about what needs to get done is not helping anything. Right now, I'm focusing more on the different things going on instead of what needs to get done which is helping me.

Now, to figure out some different options.

You probably don't know, but I'll ask.

You know when something happens and you don't know how to react/respond and it brings back memories and feelings of traumatic events? Well, if you do know or you "get" what I'm asking, then: yeah, that's how I'm feeling currently since. Yeah, I know that's a confusing statement when you have no idea what I'm saying or talking about, but that's the best way I can explain it. I can now not only empathize with my BFF, I can also sympathize. I'm just not comfortable right now and I don't know what to do in order to be comfortable again.

My BFF invited me out for tomorrow and I have a couple of phone calls to make. So, not sure but tomorrow may or may not be busy. Today was fun with her. She called me up to keep her company at a picnic and the kids all had fun.

Also, I had needed my doctor and he was unavailable. So, the receptionists tried to "make it better" by scheduling the appointment I needed for one month after I needed it. Then, my doctor's personal secretary called me, after I left a message to him, and fixed this problem so that I saw him this week instead of a month from now. I do understand that my doctor isn't at my beck and call 24/7, however my future employers and educators aren't on his or my schedule so I've kind of been between a rock and a hard place. I'm glad that it was fixed and I really appreciate my doctor and his secretary for it.

Thursday, July 11, 2013

Low BP, headache and nausea

I had a follow up today with PM&R. My blood pressure was low, about 88 over something I can't remember. They took it twice, both times it was low. Asked if I had a headache or nausea or vomiting--I didn't at the time, but 2 hours later I have a huge migraine that will not go away. The migraine is still there and nausea has followed since an hour into the migraine. I don't have a sphygmomanometer and I kind of wish I did, if my BP is low along with these other symptoms: I need emergency care. But, I can't drive with these symptoms either so, I'd need to call 911, which I'm not comfortable with. Going on eight hours with these symptoms. Crap.

I'm going to try taking Advil. I've kept myself hydrated and I ate throughout the day, so I don't know (besides ER) what else to do.

ETA (07/12/2013)

I don't know what it was that gave me such a debilitating headache, but I'm better now. Still not sure if I had low blood pressure, but I suppose it's no longer a big deal considering I'm still here. 

Maybe it was because I was past exhaustion. I did go to bed late Sunday evening, approximately 1 am, then I woke up early with our boy at about 6 or 7 am. Then, there were some things that needed to get done until about 4 hours before I needed to get ready for my shift. I wanted to take a nap before getting ready and leaving, but I was not able to do that. By the time I had gotten to work, I had been up for about 16 hours and my shift was going to be 8 hours long. Not only that, I also had classes starting at 11 am Tuesday morning and by the time I got home, I would not have had time for a nap. That would have been a grand total of 31 awake hours before being able to go to sleep.

Due to the initial lack of sleep before my shift, during my shift I was not "feeling it". I was not in the mood to do anything. Currently I feel like a failure that I didn't try harder, but deep down: I know I did what was best for my health. I really did what was best for my health, (assuming) considering that a day later I was suffering from such a terrible migraine, nausea and possible low BP.

The Advil did help after awhile and then I had a full night's sleep, so I'm good now.

Sunday, July 7, 2013

Okay. I'm back and really creeped out.

Apparently, someone has made a fake profile--another fake profile--and friended me, once again, on Facebook. Seriously, I'm not posting anything "special" or "private" on my Timeline that you can't see....except pictures, I'll be honest there: you can't see my family if I don't know you. If I don't know you from "BBC" or IRL, then I'm sorry: I will not accept your friendship. Now, if you know me from one or the other: message me and tell me from where, which board, when and what post (the "other" inbox is fine, I check it regularly). Yep, those are my stipulations and if you know what I'm talking about: great; otherwise: piss off. Yes, I accepted one fake profile and they "unfriended" or "blocked" or "deactivated" their account--I should have known better and did a little digging before accepting. Now that I'm a bit more aware and "on edge", I won't be accepting you unless I know you. Remember a few blog-posts back, I told you (summarized) "Get a life"? I meant it. I meant it for you and your friends. Eat some 'shrooms, level up, grow up and get a life.


I need to go to bed, there are phone calls that need to be made early. Then, I have to take a nap before work, shower, then leave for work. I am not excited about this. I can't wait to get things finished up so that I can start the new path I am planning, there's so much going on it's insane! I need to remember to go drop off some applications, too.

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

I wish I had someone IRL to talk with.

I'm frustrated and emotional, which although for others it's annoying: I'm still allowed to feel this way. Yes, part of it is because of my brain injury, part of it is because what's happening really is more annoying than it should be, more difficult than it should be, more work than it ought to be. I'm in counseling, which helps me deal with some pretty rough emotions and hard times. Honestly, though, aren't I allowed to complain to someone? Aren't I allowed to ask advice? Aren't I allowed to be frustrated? Is my counselor the only person I'm allowed to talk with?

I'm so lost.

Anywho. Recent events: I'm going on hiatus. Give me a little while, I'll be back.

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Step 1: Complete

The plan was to get an appointment scheduled so that I can get my work schedule made up--they want to make sure I'm healthy enough. I scheduled that for tomorrow, so afterwards, I need to call staffing and get a work schedule. After my appointment, DH has his own. Then, after our scheduled day is complete, I need to buy him an agenda. Hopefully the gas in our vehicle lasts until the twelfth or twenty-sixth.

What I'm switching to, that health screening has been scheduled, now I'm waiting for my personal doctor to get back so I can get a letter from him.

I need to map out the things that need to get done...

Monday, July 1, 2013

Up and Down. Repeat.

I don't quite understand why it's happening but apparently: that's it. My emotions are just going up and down and up and down and up and down (etc.), mostly anxiety driven.

  • I want babies. I really, really, really, really, really, really want babies. I loved being pregnant. I loved the whole experience, even the all-day-all-night morning sickness that lasted the entire ordeal. I even loved my birthing experience; no, I didn't plan anything about it and I didn't have any expectations so it was generally great. The only thing I feared about labor and delivery was the Pitocin they gave me during induction and it wasn't even that bad, it wasn't bad at all. But, I didn't experience the pain of contractions that every woman that's gone through labor seems to complain about (I was honestly disappointed, I wanted to experience that pain!).
    • Can't have more babies yet. This makes me sad:
      • First, because DH isn't doing too well. 
      • Second, we literally cannot afford another mouth to feed yet. 
      • Third, it wouldn't be fair to DS. 
      • Fourth, when we can afford more babies, it won't be for years. Years!
  • The field I was planning: nursing. Well, I'd like to be a nurse, that is a for sure thing. What I don't want is to be a nursing assistant (yes, I know that as a RN, there is the potential to perform the duties of a NA).
    I'm changing fields first. Hopefully I get accepted into the program that I'd like to start August 8th, then while I'm working in this field I can do distance learning for nursing--mostly the book-work because clinicals would require me to actually be stationary somewhere for awhile.
    Until I start this new field, though, I have to work as an STNA. Which is fine. I actually have to get some things lined up before I can start, but I do have the job. I know what I need to do, but hopefully funds align properly so that it's not as daunting as it seems. Funds are a bit tight at the moment, though. I'm trying to figure out a way to afford the gas back and forth (ugh).
  • Our home. Everything in this aspect is fine, I paid a lot in advance so that we are really okay for a year. Right now, because I paid household things in advance, the big worry is gasoline for our vehicle. Now that I've written it out, I'm not exactly sure how I should feel about all this, it doesn't seem as big as I thought it was a couple of days ago.
  • DH's health. I've got him into a new hospital and they are starting from scratch with him, so there are appointments that I need to take him to. I forgot to get him an agenda to coordinate with mine, that way we can schedule things and be on the same page. With how this hospital is going, I'm excited, they are really taking his health into greater consideration than the previous hospital.
  • Gosh, there's more that I can't remember! Hah, that's frustrating.