Thursday, February 21, 2013

There is too much happening at once.

Too much. I can't handle this much all at once with so little time to get it all done. I had gotten confused about filling out forms and hubby knows less about these forms than I do. I need someone to do these forms for me because I can't do them, not I "can't"--I really cannot. Neither of us can fill these forms out without help and I don't know who to turn to. Who do I call? Who do I ask for help? Is there a phone number for this kind of assistance? Isn't there someone out there that can help us with all of this? Then, I had to call the one company several times because no one could figure out what happened to my order and I kept getting hung up on. I don't understand why everything has to be so hard, so confusing.

I'm so depressed, there's too much going on, too many dealines, too much stress. What's worse is my settlement has yet to be completed, I'm still waiting. I'm fine with waiting on that for various reasons, except that I'd like the sum of it now so that I can get things done a bit easier.


I don't know what to do

We have limited options and not enough time to "fix" the problem. And, I want to whine and complain but there really is no room for that, either. I don't understand how or why we deserve all of this. I suppose if it weren't for bad luck, we'd have no luck at all.

I'm just so tired, so frustrated...I'd be done but that isn't an option.

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

I'm confused

I don't believe that Facebook is real life and I don't consider it real life. It's just a method of communication. I'm okay with what happened because I don't believe that I've been "kicked out" of these people's real lives....especially since I wasn't talked about anything in real life. It's okay, I'm okay with it, just confused and I suppose that it's natural to be confused about things. Typing this all out makes me feel better at least, getting it out that I'm just confused about Facebook.

I have my other friends phone numbers and emails, so that if I'd like to keep in touch, I can--without Facebook. I moved my pictures over to Photobucket. There really is nothing holding me to Facebook. I suppose I will deactivate it. There's no need to get myself confused any further with anything extra.

I'm tired. Today was a big day. I was late to my doctor's appointment which was fine, because she still saw me so I was able to get done what needed to be done. Then, I renewed my discount card for the bus since I lost it a few days ago. After that I went to the justice center to get a background check done and got lost in that building.

At the bus stop, I was eating my lunch, which was a very cheap $3 meal of "turkey pot pie". Basically, the hospital (because that's where I got my food from) was serving the turkey pie filling with a bisquit made of the pie crust dough and a serving of mashed potatoes. It was awesomely delicious for hospital food and it was cheap. I have no idea why the couple standing behind me had to say "It's so rude when people bring food out here to eat and don't offer no one none." Were they trying to make me feel ashamed of myself for eating? Were they upset I didn't share? How is that even an appropriate thing to say?

My day was just...weird.

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

9 Days

Okay, it's really slightly less than 9 days until the 4-week class orientation, which I will be attending because that's what I want to do. I was thinking yesterday, I have 10 days to read through all the chapters in the CNA book and I'm excited about it. I've gotten through half of chapter 2, though, much slower than I thought it would take. I'm glad that I switched from 2-week classes to the 4-week classes, there is no way I would have been able to do this work that fast. Now, I have time to go through the book, on my own and then 4 weeks to go through it again with the class. This much preparation is perfect for me and I know that I'll do very well with the state exam.

Tomorrow I have an appointment, then I need to go downtown for my background check and to replace my lost disability pass. Then, I need to call a few people to straighten out some information and change things here and there. This is a lot of work that needs to be done in a short period of time and though it is a bit stressful, at least I'm capable of getting it done and that relaxes me.

There was one issue that was bothering me all weekend and was just resolved a few minutes ago. I am so glad to have so many people helping me out with opinions and advice, then on how to word things. I would be lost without the internet.

Hopefully our lives get straightened out easily and everything works out.

Sunday, February 17, 2013

Once again, denied!

Just received the letter from social security about my SSD application. I was denied, which is understandable and I am okay with that. Now, I don't have to be nervous about going back to school to forward our lives.

Hopefully my attorney will drop the case and accept that I will just be denied over and over again. Sure, I know that generally SS will deny a person 3 times before accepting. However, I don't really want to be on SSD. I really want to get a career that is worth the time and effort, thus more income. But, I don't want my SSD attorney to charge me for his/her services...I really think they're going to push this application until I get accepted.

Well, today there are some important things that I need to do,.

Saturday, February 16, 2013

Why is everything so difficult and hard?

I had an appointment today and scheduled transportation with Caresource. I know it's Saturday and the stupid transportation company has better things to do than to take me to counseling. But, shoot, I really wanted to go to counseling today.

I hate being poor.

Friday, February 15, 2013

Mail Came!

I ordered a couple of things from earlier this week and didn't expect it to arrive so soon. There was a product recommended to me that I bought and I had to order something else with it so that it could be an "add on" instead of the main thing shipped--kind of made me sad because I didn't want  to make my bill any more expensive! I really don't understand the shipping "rules" of Amazon, but then again it's also something I really didn't take the time to read.

The product recommended was:

Angel Baby Bottom Balm

Since tax returns came in, the other item I ordered--which for Amazon was the "main" item--was a backpack diaper bag. I'm glad that I ordered it because I don't like the diaper bag that I received as a baby shower present and I don't really like the diaper bag that I had made for myself a couple of years ago (it's more like a purse than a diaper bag and it's smaller than I'd like).

The Fisher Price Deluxe Convertible Diaper Backpack

I really like this backpack, I've been wanting something like this for the longest time! It is a lot more difficult (for me) to carry a diaper bag--or purse--on one shoulder and having it hang on one side, along with caring for my son. It's much bigger than I expected, as well, I could probably pack quite a few cloth diapers along with other odds and ends, without worry of space. I haven't tried it out yet, but it's so cool looking, I can't wait!

I like the Angel Baby Bottom Balm, too. I was asking about anything that might help my son's forehead scrape heal so that there is no scarring and that is what was recommended. At first, hubby got me Neosporin, which I really do like and was using until today. Now that we have this balm, I've put it on him twice--once an hour--and it really keeps his scrape nice and soft, I'm guessing moisturized too. I think that this will be very helpful in preventing any scarring.

I felt so bad because we had gone walking outside and he tripped on his right foot/leg, face-planted into the cement/asphalt and scraped his forehead. That made me so sad and then I was thinking how badly I scar so I was feeling guilty that this scrape would be with him forever. The majority of it has disappeared, there's just one tiny area that has yet to heal. So, I'm hoping that goes away without any scarring, though I'm not sure about it and I'm diligently putting this balm on now. Otherwise, he's so happy!

Hubby has been teaching him a lot of new words, especially what things are called, the Boy is so excited and having fun. Right now, his favorite word seems to be "nose", it's much better than the previous favorite ("no") although unless you're paying attention and watch what he's pointing to (a nose), it sounds like he's saying "no"! He is such a smart and amazing child. We also went and bought a few footie-pajamas for him. I'm glad that we did that, although one out of the five is kind of small (12-18mo size) but that's no big deal. The other jammies we got are 18-24mo and he seems very comfortable in all of them.

I can't wait to start classes, though. My four week classes start on March fourth and won't end until the end of March or beginning of April. That is okay, I'll deal, not to mention I get to study the text since I was given leave to take it home--I paid the fee in full the day of orientation (February 14), so I was allowed to take the text with me. I'm so excited, not only have I been through this class twice before, I get to refresh my memory by studying the text. This is great, there is no possible way that I should fail the state exam now.

Hopefully things get better and go well the next few months!

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Four Week Classes

I was meaning to take the two week classes, but they move so fast, the instructor advised me to go with the four week classes instead. Now, I have all of the materials I need since I went to orientation and I can get a handle on all of the work, way in advance. I'm so happy now! I think I could have done the two week classes, but the fast pace and stress would probably have caused me to freak out.

The four week classes start on March fourth and that's okay, more time to get the paperwork done. I also have to go downtown for my BG check, which will be cheap by what the instructor said. Then, I have to get a physical and a TB test. I've had two TB tests in the past 3 years and I always have to get another one because by the time I enroll into a class, the results "expire". At least starting these classes will give me more time to get all of that finished. What's really great is that these are evening classes, so even better--more time with my son!

I'm going to start on the paperwork after blogging this, I'm just so excited I had to get it out!

Happy Valentine's Day!

Not only is it Valentine's Day, it is also the day of my orientation. I am excited, I'm going to be oriented to the class and be able to pay the entire fee (I'm so glad Tax Returns came in so soon!). I will have to walk or bike ride to the building and that is okay. I'm just not sure if I want to bike ride or if I want to walk. I know that biking would be easier and faster, but I'm not sure if I'm too short for the mountain bike that we have on hand. I'll check it out at three just to be sure. Walking would take me approximately fourty-five minutes and biking would be approximately fifteen minutes.

I wonder what we'll be able to do tonight when I get back from orientation. Other than that, I need to figure out what we can ask hubby's doctor, in regards to tests he can take in order to figure out what's going on that's making him so ill. I feel so bad for him since he's been sick and getting worse since June 2011. He has every symptom I can think of that is associated with MS and yet we keep getting told it's not MS...Then, what could it be?!

Ugh, his appointment is tomorrow, so hopefully we'll get a lot of things answered by the end of the day.

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Well, I did

I did take it down, because it would be bad legal ramifications. However, honesty is the best policy so when I discuss this with my lawyer, I will obviously disclose any and all information. So, removing the post was purely for my legal safety. Although, it did feel nice to bring attention to all of her lies, regardless if she saw it or not.

Tonight is Bible study, so I'm going to get ready...

So...I guess I'm not going to Bible study today...I wish I had my own transportation, that would make things a lot easier.

Tuesday, February 12, 2013


Orientation on Thursday!!! Woot! Woot! Then, classes start on the 18th! I can't wait, I'm so excited, the anticipation is killing me!

I already know what I'm going to be learning, but a refresher course is always welcome, especially now post-accident! I hope I do well, I really do. I need to go to the Dollar Store tomorrow and stock up on things like a notebook and a pen, maybe an agenda and probably something else that I can't think of right now. Oh! That's it, a notepad! A notepad would be essential and I think I'll be lost without one!

There's going to be a lot of learning and reading going on in these next few weeks!!!

Sunday, February 10, 2013

Editing Out the Profanity

Credit where credit is due is where I left off, just posting that so I remember, lol.

The Boy and I are still sick. I have to edit the last couple (or so) posts because they are not my usual fashion--it's a shame what offensive drama can push a person to do (like, push me to post P/A blog posts).

Anyway, I'm tired, Boy has appointments tomorrow and I'm going to sleep :)

Edited 2/11/13:

I went through all of my posts and wow, my SIL really pulls out the bad in me. I can't believe myself. I understand that what I posted is immature, PA and not right, etc. etc. etc. I'm only leaving it up to remind myself.

I'm trying to close my Facebook account, but I'm moving my pictures over to a separate picture website and for some reason it's "stuck". I'll be emailing them soon to see what the problem is. As soon as I do that, I can separate from the madness and focus on the happy & normal. At least I only swore in the posts that Carrie is in, which is the last two and I edited out the swears that I had included. I don't want to edit what she posted because that would be like lying for her. Ugh. I can't believe what's going on.

Now, my accident case--the settlement--is taking forever, it's not finished yet. I just want to move on already! I want to be able to do the things I've been planning on for the past few years and be in a better financial state so that we can start having more babies. I get to start classes on the 18th and orientation is on the 14th, I'm excited and glad that it's only 2 weeks. After I get my license, I'll start applying for jobs, then I'll enroll into college. The only thing really holding me back, and I'm hoping is resolved before applying for jobs, is not having a car.

I have to go do something right now, I'll post again later because I know there was more but I cant rememebr!

Friday, February 8, 2013

Moving on...

The Boy has a double ear infection, but he's been doing better since Monday when we went to the ER. I feel so bad, I remember what it was like when I had a double ear infection myself in high school. His temperature was really high Monday but it's since gone down, probably because of the antibiotics. He's been trying to be his happy, regular self this whole week but I can tell he's just not feeling good at all.

I also started working on another "Jester Hat" and it's looking really cute. Started it with red on the brim of the collar, then the whole of it is white. I think I'm going to make the face opening's ribbing red like the collar brim. It's looking really cute and going pretty quick. This one is for my friend's son and I can't wait to start the next one because that will be for her daughter. Then, I have to rework the face ribbing on my son's "Jester Hat".

We have a lot of big changes happening this month. I can't wait for things to get settled out, it's taking quite awhile and I'm so impatient.

Hopefully things get better from here on out.

Tuesday, February 5, 2013


I'm taking a step back from the drama. I can't handle it, I get too worked up with anger, it's a good thing that we'll be going offline soon so I won't be tempted to post anything immature again. Which, though I am angry about my previous posts since they are very immature, I am not removing them. Mostly as a reminder of just who's level I sank to, when I put them up, in hopes that I won't do it again. Still didn't remove them, I consolidated them; Carrie doesn't deserve that much space.

I can't wait for the second half of February to come, not only will we be offline for awhile but I'll be taking steps to improving our situation. I am wholeheartedly done with the dramz, hopefully for good since I tried so hard in the past not to be a part of it. I can't believe how easy I was sucked into the "Drama Shit Hole" by the Bitch. I had avoided the "Drama Shit Hole" so well in the last months of 2012 when other people tried to take me there, I handled that drama quite well. I'm a bit mad at myself for going there. I will not dwell on it, though.

Otherwise, I've been "destashing" my yarn collection: made a few hats and started an afghan (it's kind of an ugly afghan because I have no color sense!). These are the projects I've completed. I made the "Jester Hat" for my Boy and he's so darn adorable in it. Although, I made the face opening a bit too small, so I need to take it apart, re-knit so that it's more loose and will fit him. What I'm currently working on, besides the "Ugly Afghan" is another "Jester Hat" for my friend's boy, then she'll want me to make another for her girl. It's a fun hat to make and looks so cute on little ones.

I'll be focusing more on my crochet & knit projects to distract myself from any dramz seeking temptations.

Friday, February 1, 2013

Great start to February!

Hah! No, February really did start off quite well. I'm happy for what happened yesterday and today. I really appreciate my friends and what they do for me. I can't wait until hubby and I are in a better financial state, so that I can pay them back. It's so hard being so prideful and needing to ask for help and assistance. I can't wait for February 18th, when my classes start. I can now pay the deposit and I'm hoping for more funds to come in so that I can complete the payment by last class, on the 28th. I am psyched about these classes and the job opportunities that will open up for me. We'll be able to do more than just barely get by and just barely being able to pay bills and/or rent.

After these classes and being hired on in my field, I'll be able to apply for college and get a stronger degree that is in a field which will never go stale or unneeded. I'm really hoping that things start looking up again.

Life has been rough for me and it's like a pattern. I'm starting to think that I've been cursed and although I know that none of the bad is God's fault, why is so much bad happening to me/my family? I try really hard to be good, to do things right and to really have deep (obviously one-sided) conversations with God--which most people would consider prayer, although I suppose that speaking with God is like prayer. Is that how one prays? How does one pray? I was never taught, so how would I know? Then, what makes speaking to God (as opposed to "with", as that would make me insane for "talking to myself") any different from praying?

All the hardships are supposed to be lessons or preparation or tests or something, but: For what? Why?

I just hope that the next few weeks go by well and we get to a better place. I know God is with us now, I guess I just hope for Him to "speak" a bit louder.