Sunday, September 30, 2012

My Son Amazes Me Everyday

We had him this weekend and he is the best and cutest baby ever! He's started eating "real" food, not baby food, which is great. But, now I have to come up with menus for breakfast, lunch and dinner; just to make sure that I make things that he is able to eat. Right now, he has about six, maybe more teeth, which is awesome. One of the top teeth actually grew in over the last two weeks, so he's chewing better, especially with the chompers he's got in now. I'm thinking about making some grilled cheese sandwiches, I'm sure he'll like those. Otherwise, I'm cloth diapering him, since I have him with me and don't want to waste the sposies my aunt packed for me to use on him.

He's starting to try and walk farther and more independently than he was before, which is freaking great! I'm so proud of him, he's walking for a good ten or more steps now and standing up on his own with no problems. The determination and diligence that he's using and exhibiting is awesome. He's such and independent little guy. I'm sure that he's going to be way ahead on the milestone scale. He's much farther than I even imagined he'd get, way past the average that most kids achieve by his age.

Hopefully I'll be able to get him back home sooner. This weekend went so well, I got tired but not exhausted like I did a few weeks ago. I'm sure that hubby is surprised as well, although he's a bit frustrated because he's not used to being woken up at random hours of the night. I know that my son woke up several times because he's not used to our home anymore, which is fine. But, I know he'll settle down when we get to keep him over for more than just one night and definitely after we get to have him back home.

I'm going to get him ready to go back to my aunts, but I'm going to miss him so much until next weekend.

Thursday, September 27, 2012

Excited

We get to watch our son this weekend! I'm so excited, I miss my little man. He's learning to walk, has already taken a few steps on his own...He just makes me so proud of him, every little thing he does, I am just amazed. I can't wait.

I don't even know what special things we can do while he's home, I'm so excited! I know he's just one year old, but...I don't know...I want to make it a special occasion. I've got to figure out what I'll be making for meals too, he's eating "real" food (you know, instead of baby food). So, I have to be careful what I make so that he can "chew" it with his five front teeth. I'm sure it'll be fine, I don't have much to worry about, I've seen him down big mouthfuls of food.

Maybe we'll get him walking independently this weekend? Hopefully, although I'm sure my aunt has been working on it with him, so I don't know if he's already doing that. Whatever.

I'm excited!!!

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

My Car After the Accident and Towed to the Salvage Yard











<--- This one is a clip from the video. You can see where my blood splattered.

ETA: Apparently my car accident video was taken down or is too old to be seen by now? Freaking weird. Well, it existed...but I'm not sure how to find or get it online.

Might get my son back soon

My OT and I are working on bringing our son back home. This weekend will be the start of it, which I'm excited about. Since hubby is off on the weekends, I should feel more comfortable watching our son, especially since we are going to try one overnight. At first I was thinking that I should be fine with overnights from Friday until Sunday but that may be too much for me. My OT even said that we should take it slow and just do one overnight and see how it goes.

I'm so excited. I know that the last time we had him overnight, I got really stressed out, was not prepared for it at all and nowhere near ready. Hubby is actually quite nervous about getting our son overnight this weekend, he doesn't want me to yell or argue or be mean like what happened last time. I don't know how else to tell him that last time was different from this time, that I'll be prepared now and I actually know what's going on, completely different from what happened last time. I should be fine. I know that I'll be having him all day Saturday, then he will be staying overnight until Sunday and we will probably keep him for a good part of Sunday, too.

Hopefully the better I do with these overnights, the quicker we can bring our son home.

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Injustice

That's not what I was expecting the outcome of the trial to feel like. I was hoping that I would feel a bit justified at the conclusion of the case. What's sad is that I don't feel that way. I feel like the sentence of the defendant does not justify what I have gone through as a result of the accident. I feel like nothing in regards to this situation is fair.

I know that life isn't fair. What the heck, though? My life gets completely knocked out of whack. I get set back for an extended period of time, I don't get to care for my son for more than 6 months and probably longer, but this guy... He gets let off easy? For what he did to me and my family? He gets an easy sentence just because it was "negligent assault"? I could have died, I could be a paraplegic, I could be in a vegetative state...I'm recovering from a brain injury, multiple bone fractures and have several scars, but this guy gets an easy sentence for causing all of that?

Wow.

Monday, September 24, 2012

College, RN?

Earlier this year, before the accident, I had been planning on attending college sometime this fall or even next spring. Unfortunately, as events played out, it was not possible. Last week, however, I started applying for colleges and calling them to varify information. Also, I called my attorney who is working on my SSD application to see if college would affect it's outcome. It's a good thing I'm thinking to tie up all the loose ends that I think of as the days go on. I'm glad I called to double check with my attorney.

My attorney said that college would affect my SSD application. That application/program/thing is for people who cannot work and college negates the "not able to work" reason. I have to wait until this case pans out, otherwise I will have to pay for the work that he's done out of my own empty pockets. Instead of continuing the application process for college, I'm going to focus on getting better and getting my son back. I need to write out a few things that need to get done so that I don't forget about them, for the most part I'm pretty set on my goals.

It took me a while to figure out what I wanted to major in, what I wanted to earn a degree in/as. In fact, I didn't set a determined field until last month. I was waffling between registered nurse, childcare and counselor. When I was younger, I wanted to be a teacher or a veterinarian but have changed my mind considerably on that end. I don't have the patience for a large group of other people's children and although I love animals, I don't have an interest in caring for them in that aspect. When it comes to counselor, I have found that the whole process of earning that degree is significantly more difficult than nursing. Also, counselors and psychotherapists do not get paid much.

I decided on registered nursing, but I've never been to college so I had no idea where to start this whole process. I asked some friends and they gave me some awesomely helpful but basic information. Then I called the colleges I was planning on attending and was able to come up with a process to achieve my goal. Now, I have to wait for the SSD case to settle out, but I know I'm prepared. I know that my credits from the college I will be attending first will transfer to the main university I plan to attend, so I am excited about that. I don't think that I will need to transfer those credits if I get licsensed as an RN first then go to the main university to acquire the RN to MSN degree I want/need. That will be a bridge I'll need to cross later, after becoming a liscensed RN.

I'm still waiting for a lot of things to finish up or pan out, hopefully it will all happen quickly and I'll be able to finish up the things that I wanted to start/do earlier this year.

Sunday, September 23, 2012

Have to Set and Keep a Schedule

Last week, my occupational therapist (OT) was happy that I have a set goal to get my son back as soon as possible. She did recommend that I try and stick with my schedule so that I show improvement and that I can be and am responsible. I understand where she's coming from, how comfortable would any healthcare provider be if they let a patient take on a responsibility that they have the potential of failing. I know that during the week, after we wrote down "things to do", that I didn't keep to it. I ended up doing different things, that to me were "more important". I was supposed to walk for an hour once a day, to a specific place (hubby's work, the mall or the library). Instead, I cleaned the apartment again, filled out a FAFSA and applied for college. I also made a few calls to different colleges to double-check and confirm some information. My OT said that what I did was relevant and important but not what was on the schedule. Those things may be important, but I should have explained what I wanted to do instead of writing out random, unimportant things.

This next week, hopefully I can come up with things that I'm willing to follow through on. I would hate to fail every week, I want my son back soon, I need to focus and try harder. I'm not sure of everything that I want to do this week, though. Before my accident, I didn't come up with specific things to do each day, I just did what I wanted on a whim. I would write out things that were important that I needed to get done, like: appointments, when bills are due, work schedules, etc. I supposed that worked before my accident, but now I need to plan and write things out or I may forget.

Maybe this week will be a great change and I'll be able to get him much sooner than my OT believes.

On a Separate Note

Recently, I was reading around on the internet and found some discussions about comfortable viewing/reading format and color. Reading these articles was one of the reasons I have changed the view of my blog once again. I don't want anyone to try to read my blog and their eyes get strained. Hopefully the new color isn't hard on your eyes.

Other than that recent, obvious change, today my hubby and I spent some time with our son. We were so happy to get a few hours with his cute little self. I switched him to cloth diapers for the few hours, just so that we didn't waste the disposable diapers my aunt packed in his diaper bag. I can always wash a cloth diaper, so it's no big deal. The little guy was trying to walk around the living room, to show off. I am so proud of him, he was able to take several steps between hubby and I. Then, he would get excited when he would successfully reach either one of us and we would clap and cheer for him. I also played some music for him, he was being very cute and dancing to the beat. He didn't whine or throw a tantrum, it was great, he is such a good child. I am very proud of all the progress he's made over the course of his short life.

We took our son to McDonald's for a little while, something very cheap and easy to eat for lunch/dinner. I ordered his food no salt, there's already so much sodium in all of that food that I didn't want to pile on any more. Also, got him some water, which he enjoyed--he's so cute--and he ate an entire hamburger (no salt or pickles). He was playing with french fries too, which was funny, there was a big mess on the floor.

After he went back to my aunts, hubby and I spent time relaxing and watching a movie. This was a great weekend, we had so much fun. It's so rare for days like this to happen, it's so worth writing it out to save as a reminder and inspiration.

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Effexor

I have noticed that I've been feeling better recently, much better than I was feeling from April to August. (Which, I kind of noted in my Insomnia post.) I started taking Effexor about four weeks ago, just ran out yesterday and had to wait until tonight for my refill and resume taking them regularly. I didn't know how well it has improved my mood, feelings and emotions. Apparently, other people have noticed my mood change--for the good, which is pretty positive--and asked what changes have been made that I'm suddenly more awake, motivated and positive. I explained the Effexor, I was neither positive or negative about it's affects, because I hadn't even noticed. Well, it was pointed out to me today and I am, again, amazed.

Ever since I was discharged from the hospital, I've been wanting to clean our apartment. Just a natural, homebody type feeling, but I had no motivation or drive to follow through. I have cleaned the apartment once during my recovery, I want to say in July. For the past two weeks I've been wanting to clean, but by the time I feel motivated to start, it's already evening. For those nights I just let it go, I don't really like cleaning past 3PM. I have been waiting to wake up feeling like cleaning, even after I finish my morning routine.

Thankfully, yesterday I finally woke up feeling like cleaning and very motivated. By the time I finished my morning routine, I still wanted to clean. I deep cleaned the entire apartment before my hubby came home from work. I felt and still feel so refreshed after completely cleaning down the apartment. I didn't take any breaks either. By the time I finished I was awake and not at all exhausted, like I expected I would be. So surprised, that to me, marks a big improvement in my recovery.

Even today, I only got exhausted enough for a nap about three hours after coming home from the hospital. I didn't get much sleep last night. I wasn't able to fall asleep before 2 or 3AM and had to wake up early, about 6AM to be ready for the transportation vehicle to go to the hospital. I am completely surprised at how awake I feel today.

I think that all these positive, motivated, awake, etc. feelings are kind of due to the Effexor. I can't really say one way or the other if it's all purely from recovery or from Effexor--it might even be half Effexor, half recovery. Either way, I'm glad I'm feeling so much better.

Sprained Neck

I suppose that the car accident injured me a little bit more than I thought. Apparently, in the collision, I sprained my neck--like whiplash but, not. The muscles in my neck are really tense, tight, just not good. The strain in my neck is severely affecting my TMJ, which is usually a disorder involving the mandibular joint (the joint of your jaw). I have been having pain in my ear canals, the kind of pain you usually get when you have an ear infection. Then, my head is tilted. Tilted, you know, like when someone cocks their head at you. Tense neck muscles, cause the head tilt, which also causes jaw muscle strain. The muscles in my neck, that are in very close vicinity of the muscles and nerves by my ear canal, are so tense they are causing that ear infection pain.

After discussing all of those pains that I have been having, with my PM&R doctor, she gave me a few referrals to a physical therapist. Who knew that there are physical therapists geared toward neck, jaw, face, etc. muscles, joints and health? I was surprised.

When I saw the physical therapist, she explained the reasons I'm experiencing those pains (as I typed out in the first paragraph). There are exercises to do in order to relax those muscles and "retrain" them to sit in appropriate posture (no head tilt, greater range of head turning movement, etc.). I am amazed, two appointments with her and one day doing at home exercises and my posture is better/improved and the pain has subsided.

Who knew that such a tiny (to me) injury could affect so much? Who knew that with subtle exercises and changes, my pain and posture are improved? Freaking amazing.

Thursday, September 13, 2012

Insomnia

I know that I've been suffering from insomnia (undiagnosed) for years. There have always been nights where I just couldn't fall asleep. It's always like my mind keeps going, but I don't know why, I'm never thinking of anything specific. My mind keeps wondering to many different subjects, quickly and won't let me relax. Having this brain injury makes it worse because that is one of the symptoms, not to mention the exhaustion, tiredness and fatigue which is another symptom.

Last night, I was too busy surfing the interwebz to even care about trying to get some sleep. I should have thought logically and known that the interwebz are still going to be there when I wake up. No. I stayed awake until very early in the morning (1AM), for shame. I have appointments today so I had to get up early to be ready to leave for to be on time. Six hours of sleep, after a long day and being marred by exhaustion just is not good for a victim of TBI. Now, I sit here exhausted updating my blog, periodically staring off into space, not being able to keep my thoughts straight and forgetting words or random sentences that I'm meaning to type out. I am totally going to fall asleep on the way to the hospital, then again in the waiting room, then again on the way home.

My insomnia is undiagnosed, but I don't know what else to call it. Ever since I was in elementary school, there were nights that I just could not fall asleep. It would be time for bed and I would just lay there, awake. Sometimes, not thinking of anything, just staring off into space but awake. Other times, I would be so awake, I would get up and rearrange my bedroom because it made no sense to just lay there...awake. Then there were times that I would be doing something that was really fun, interesting or captivating and no matter how tired I was, I would force myself to stay awake. It didn't matter what it was that kept my attention. It could have been television, a book, a computer game, the internet, a video, it just didn't matter and I would stay awake until I finished the task. Last night, it was the internet--something that I should know will still be there when I wake up!

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

I'm working on it...

Seriously, I'm working on my endurance. This whole sleepy, tired, exhausted feeling that comes on frequently, quickly and randomly is really starting to get on my nerves. I know why I'm tired like this, my brain is still healing, so it makes sense. Knowing that on average it takes one year from the initial injury for your brain to heal, doesn't make it any better. Seven more months I have to get through before there is any real, significant, noticeable change.

Started taking Effexor a couple of weeks ago, it's helping but I'm not appreciating the side effects. I'll be seeing my doctors over the next week or two so that they can evaluate my recovery. Hopefully, they will be able to help me out with the side effects, who knows, though.

I've noticed that my thinking is getting clearer. My mind processes things more in depth than before. It was like going through a foggy haze and now it's starting to slowly clear up, so it's noticeable. I don't know how to explain it. I guess, it's like when you know what your city looks like, it's layout, but then a dense fog comes in and refuses to leave quickly. Then as the fog ever so slowly dissipates, you feel that relief, like a deep, cleansing breath when you're able to make out certain, specific things, places, people, etc. I'm amazed at the process and progress. I'm so antsy to accomplish a lot of things, work on goals, to just go.

One thing at a time, right? Fatigue is going to be a challenging thing to work on, but I'm determined. I want my son back.

Monday, September 3, 2012

Hmm

I suppose this is going to be a long "break". Poo. It's okay, I just don't think I can watch our son by myself before I talk to my doctor about it. I have to wait until tomorrow to make all of the phone calls I need to make, to straighten a lot of things out. I don't know what I'm going to do now, though.

Road blocks, they just keep popping up.