Thursday, November 15, 2012

Particularly Awesome

Obviously, I found my friend recently and we've been hanging out almost everyday for the past week (?) I think. She is a really cool person and very thoughtful. Her children are young, a bit older than toddler age, but still small squishes. We both think it's kind of funny that my son is bigger in girth than both of her children, almost taller as well since he is younger yet very tall for his age.

There are a bunch of things that I like about how everything is right now and a lot of it has to do with her, her family and going to church. I've decided to give up doing things on my own and to start wholeheartedly believing and putting my complete faith in God. I've tried so hard to do well on my own the past few years and it has literally gotten me nowhere. So, I officially give up and leave it up to God, whatever happens happens.

I think it's great that something inside me said to get in touch with her once again and doing that has really improved things for us. I feel like things will get better and I'm really hoping for it. Hubby and I found an entire family that has decided to adopt us into their own and love us like we've always been there. It's wonderful to have such a large group of people around us when we so badly need the support. Though we don't ask for much, if anything, they are still there and we appreciate them. They've prayed over hubby and given him a prayer cloth with faith and in hopes that his illnesses will improve, get better or disappear. They really are amazing people and I'm hoping that with as much faith and love that I am gaining for them, that I don't get let down--it's happened so many times to me before with other people, I'm not ready for that to happen again!

The other thing is that I haven't been taking my Celexa, my anxiety and depression hasn't gone away but it has subsided. I don't believe I need Celexa or antidepressant/anti-anxiety drugs right now. Which reminds me, if I ever feel under pressure, I can pray about it; God is always there, always listening, so something good should come out of that. Then, I haven't taken my Amantadine for about a week or two, I'm not sure. I ran out and requested a refill but it has yet to be refilled so...I don't know. My memory is the same off of Amantadine as it was while on Amantadine. I don't know what else I should be expecting from that medication either. I'm not tired like before, so Amantadine wouldn't help my brain like a stimulant anymore because of that. I know that I've been having a rough time actually falling asleep lately and I don't know why. I'll talk to my PM&R doctor about that when I see her.

I can't wait for things to get better, I can't wait to be completely 100% healed. I have so many things I'm thinking about, so many questions that need to be answered and so many things that need to get done. I'm not feeling anxious but anticipatory about all of this.


  1. Hi, I've caught some of your posts on BBC and just checked your blog to see how you were doing. I'm worried to see you stopping your depression/anxiety meds because it reads like you've made the decision without input from your doctor and are going cold turkey. I've heard doing cold turkey be dangerous. Perhaps I'm misunderstanding. Please be careful.

    1. Thank you, I went off of Effexor unintentionally 2 weeks before being prescribed Celexa, Celexa being weaker. Technically I haven't been on psych meds for 3 or so weeks. I did contact my PM&R doctor who recommended talking with my psychiatrist, who I'll be seeing in December since I had to reschedule my appointments due to transportation problems. Hopefully I'll be told good things when I see the psych, though.