Friday, November 30, 2012

Determining if I'm Eligible

I had an appointment today for an evaluation for SSD, since I've been denied and my attorneys are insisting on approval. First, I had to make sure I had transportation because SS doesn't provide that--which for me is ridiculous because I have very limited resources. Then, I wasn't supposed to bring my boy, but I don't have a sitter. So, the doctor rescheduled for the next business day and I had to find transporation plus childcare. Which is fine, a bit difficult but whatever.

I'm not sure if I'll be deemed eligible for SSD, I don't know how I feel about it either. We'll see how it goes, though. The initial appointment was supposed to be 3 hours but cut down to two with the "follow-up" in a few days to complete it. The boy was good during the appointment, I'm proud of him. He only managed to get cranky when it was close to his nap time, so he did well for the most part.

Tuesday, November 27, 2012


I passed my driving evaluation on Monday (of last week)! I'm so proud of myself, I'm not as badly brain injured as I thought, ha ha. Then again, there have been multiple things that have happened that prove how little my TBI is affecting me. I was a little nervous when there were two people who decided that "STOP" signs weren't for them. They almost ran the signs and I slowed down to see what in the world they were doing. Thankfully, they actually stopped, perhaps past the actual sign but still--a stop is a stop. The other thing is making right-hand turns, I'm almost positive that's the way that I was turning when I was hit on March 29th--so, obviously.

Then, the insurance companies should settle out either this week or next. Hopefully it'll be this week, but what happens, happens. I'm hoping for other things to happen and go through, for a bit more of justification due to this whole freaking situation. A lot has happened from my car accident until now and it's just ridiculous. I honestly cannot believe how much some people are willing to do to a person, an injured person, a person in a coma with a traumatic brain injury. It amazes me how low some people can sink sometimes.

Well, I'm hoping that things get better from here on out and it looks like it's getting there-- I can only hope and pray, right?

Friday, November 23, 2012

Feeling Much Better

The boy and I are doing better, well he's about 95% and I'm about 80% better--not that we have meters, but how we're both generally feeling and acting. I'm so glad that he's finally eating again, it really sucks when your little one feels so ill they don't even want to eat. He went almost 4 whole days without eating, only drinking herbal tea and watered down juice. He's still stuffy but not as horribly grumpy.

I'm glad that the pediatrician we saw on Monday explained why cough/cold medicine is not recommended or available for infants. I had no idea but after the explaination: it makes sense. Now, I'm nervous to give him the cough/cold medicine we bought him a couple days before, so he hasn't gotten more than one, 1mL dose since. Now, he's just getting honey in his tea, Karo syrup for his throat, vaporizer and Vicks VapoRub on his little feeties with socks. He's doing so much better now, he's playing with his daddy and acting like he's on top of the world.

I'm feeling a little bit better. My throat is still scratchy and this post nasal drip is annoying as heck. At least, with the way I'm feeling, I'll probably be completely better by Monday. That's all I can hope for anyway.

My friend took me to my OT appointment today, which I really appreciate. I had a Dynavision activity and did really well.
This board ^^ Dynavision.

It's really fun and cool like that old Simon Says game or whack-a-mole. The gray rectangle in the middle is a mini-screen that flashes instructions/numbers and the white squares are buttons that shine orange alternately and randomly. It's a really fun test for reaction time and something else I can't remember, ha ha.

Anywho, my little man is wanting me to pay attention to him so: later readers!

Tuesday, November 20, 2012


Well, it's been a few days and that's because our boy and I have had a persistent cold that will not go away. All I want to do is sleep and I feel so bad for the boy. I really want to know how some parents do it, how some parents are miserable sick and still buck up to take care of their little one(s). I feel like I can't do it right now, it's so much work! He's so miserable, I'm miserable...Blah!

He went and stayed with my friend and her mother for a few hours today so that I could go do my driver's eval. That was so very nice of them, I really do appreciate their help. I passed my driver's eval so as soon as my doctor reads over the report, she'll be able to tell me if I can drive regularly again.

Hopefully I get to drive soon. I can't wait for my settlement to go through, we really need a lot of things and then buying a car free and clear is what I want to do more than anything. I'm  very sick of walking now, since we don't have any other transportation and buses are actually expensive when you have zero dollars.

I just put our little guy down for the night, probably should have doubled up his diaper but I wasn't thinking about it. I'm going to go to bed though, because if he wakes up early like I expect, I can be rested enough and take care of him better than I was today.

Thursday, November 15, 2012


I had to reschedule the remainder of my November appointments to December. Earlier this month, I requested transportation through my health insurance and they sent me a month bus pass. Well, they sent the bus pass, which would be valid for every day in November, on October 29th. I never received that bus pass, I received the day passes (which amounted to 5) just not the month pass. I have no way to get to my appointments at the hospital without a bus pass and they couldn't send a cab or transportation company to pick me up because I should have the pass they sent out.

Well, I called 3 days in a row asking about the pass and finally what should I do! They don't know, they don't know what to say, but their representatives will berate me over the phone like I'm an idiot and trying to get one over on them. You know what?! If I had the bus pass, I wouldn't be calling!!! So, thanks insurance company, I rescheduled my appointments because "you can't do anything now".

Oh! Then, I called today to schedule transportation, with the denial for bus passes because that potential is obviously unreliable. The representative decided that she needed to explain transportation to me. This is how it went:

Me: "I need to schedule transportation for my coming appointments."
Her: "You already have transportation scheduled for the rest of this month with the bus pass, we cannot schedule anymore cab rides. You need to use your bus pass that we sent."
Me: "I rescheduled my appointments--"
Her: "If you are not using your month bus pass, you need to return it, they cost $85."
Me: "I never received it, I cannot get anymore transportation for this month, so I rescheduled my appointments for December."
Her: "You get 15 transportation credits per year, you can schedule more transportation appointments."
Me: "No, I was supposed to get a bus pass for the month of November and I never received it. Your company cannot do anything else for me, for the rest of this month. So, I rescheduled my appointments."
Her: "Oh, yeah, that's right. So, I'm going to have to cancel the rest of the appointments you had scheduled for this month. Just so you know, there is no guarantee you will be able to bring your infant with you, since you're taking the cab transport instead of bus passes."

Really? Really? Ugh and eye-roll! So, the previous reps have always asked if anyone else would be coming with me. Then, I ask for bus passes because it's simpler for me to just bring my infant on the bus, seeing as RTA won't charge me for him until he's 3 years old. I don't get the bus pass that I really, really do need so I request cab transportation and you are now telling me I might not be able to bring my infant?!?!?! Who is going to watch him?! Really, lady, really?!?!

Well, I'm hoping that there won't be a problem bringing my infant. What a stupid, disconnected transportation department I have to deal with. The whole thing does not make sense!

Particularly Awesome

Obviously, I found my friend recently and we've been hanging out almost everyday for the past week (?) I think. She is a really cool person and very thoughtful. Her children are young, a bit older than toddler age, but still small squishes. We both think it's kind of funny that my son is bigger in girth than both of her children, almost taller as well since he is younger yet very tall for his age.

There are a bunch of things that I like about how everything is right now and a lot of it has to do with her, her family and going to church. I've decided to give up doing things on my own and to start wholeheartedly believing and putting my complete faith in God. I've tried so hard to do well on my own the past few years and it has literally gotten me nowhere. So, I officially give up and leave it up to God, whatever happens happens.

I think it's great that something inside me said to get in touch with her once again and doing that has really improved things for us. I feel like things will get better and I'm really hoping for it. Hubby and I found an entire family that has decided to adopt us into their own and love us like we've always been there. It's wonderful to have such a large group of people around us when we so badly need the support. Though we don't ask for much, if anything, they are still there and we appreciate them. They've prayed over hubby and given him a prayer cloth with faith and in hopes that his illnesses will improve, get better or disappear. They really are amazing people and I'm hoping that with as much faith and love that I am gaining for them, that I don't get let down--it's happened so many times to me before with other people, I'm not ready for that to happen again!

The other thing is that I haven't been taking my Celexa, my anxiety and depression hasn't gone away but it has subsided. I don't believe I need Celexa or antidepressant/anti-anxiety drugs right now. Which reminds me, if I ever feel under pressure, I can pray about it; God is always there, always listening, so something good should come out of that. Then, I haven't taken my Amantadine for about a week or two, I'm not sure. I ran out and requested a refill but it has yet to be refilled so...I don't know. My memory is the same off of Amantadine as it was while on Amantadine. I don't know what else I should be expecting from that medication either. I'm not tired like before, so Amantadine wouldn't help my brain like a stimulant anymore because of that. I know that I've been having a rough time actually falling asleep lately and I don't know why. I'll talk to my PM&R doctor about that when I see her.

I can't wait for things to get better, I can't wait to be completely 100% healed. I have so many things I'm thinking about, so many questions that need to be answered and so many things that need to get done. I'm not feeling anxious but anticipatory about all of this.

Saturday, November 10, 2012


The past three days have been very busy, my son and I have the exhaustion to prove it, ha ha. We sleep very well and have to take naps. Although I'm kind of sad for my boy since he seems to have been having nightmares these past three nights. I really want to know what's causing the nightmares, then I could help him. Maybe night time sleep will be better for him now?

I'm glad that I was able to get more sleep last night, I ended up going to bed early at about 9pm. I did end up waking again at midnight because our little man was crying so bad. He was still laying down though and throwing a fit, so much that I was sure he was still having a nightmare. I'm thinking he wasn't exactly awake yet, but still screaming. My poor boy!

I'm hoping the next few nights (and future nights) are better than the last three nights. Both him and I need to sleep well and these past few have been taxing.

Friday, November 9, 2012

Found My Friend

Well, we had been friends in elementary school and like always one drifts away from those friends when moving up in grades. I don't remember why we stopped talking and a lot of things happened in my life during that seperated time. I'm glad I found her again, she and her family are really great people. Besides them being great people, I get more experience and interaction with socializing with others/them. Although, sometimes it's a bit awkward for me because no matter how ridiculous I sound when I speak and how I say things, they except it and don't let me know--and I wish they would. Hopefully after letting my friend know about how much trouble I'm having, she'll help me out that way I can act socially acceptable, ha ha.

I told her and her family about the accident, since they didn't know because it was a small accident, not much media coverage and on a street/in an area they usually don't travel around (that I know of at least). It's no big deal to me, I just have to let them know about my minor disabilities so they don't think I just jumped off of the crazy train.

My friend has two adorable and fun kids that love playing with my boy. I think it's awesome, he had so much fun and was worn out so much he needed extra sleep! I was surprised yesterday when he took an almost 3 hour nap. Then, I was more surprised when he took his second nap at 6pm and went to bed for a full nights sleep at 8pm! I think he's getting an adequate amount of sleep and sticking to his sleep schedule really helps him out.

If anything, I'm so very exhausted. I took naps with my son during his morning nap and that helped. At night it's difficult because I would want to be awake to do things but I would be so tired, I would have to go to bed. I suppose it's not a problem, I do need my sleep. The more I sleep, recover and keep busy, the better I'll heal and the more significant my progress will be.

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Trauma Victims Should Avoid Stress

When one goes through something traumatic, that in itself is stressful. Then, add in the little extras of stress you were dealing with before the trauma and all the stress you are subjected to post-trauma. It's way too much! Think about it, your brain is already stressed out, handling more stress is almost back breaking.

We had stress before my accident but nothing too big and I was already over my past stressors. Then the big traumatic event of my accident happened and it through us for a loop. Next, while I'm recovering and my husband is still trying to recover (though he had to go back to work way too early), we're getting more stress thrown at us. It's unbelieveable!

I wish I knew what we did to deserve all of this stress. Should I count it as "trials and tribulation"? Is it a test? I'm sick of all the stress, I'm finding ways for us to deal with and then avoid all future occurences. I'm hoping that when all of this is settled out, solved or calmed down, we won't have anymore stress to go through. Sure, life is rough and it's a fight, but does it really have to be this difficult? I should look at it differently and be glad that it isn't any worse--it darn well could be worse! We're lucky to have a home, clothes and food; I should be happy and grateful for that, maybe that will be enough to focus on so that all of the big/little/random stressors don't throw me off? I hope so.

Anyway, stress is bad for trauma victims. Stress when you're healthy, taxes your entire system, so to be stressed after a traumatic experience is like shooting yourself in both knees and trying to walk.

Monday, November 5, 2012

Need to Go to Sleep

Well, this time it isn't insomnia, it's a stupid game addiction on Facebook keeping me up! Okay, I have appointments tomorrow. I need sleep, besides sonny-boy is going to be getting up in about 5 hours so sleep for me would definitely be a benefit.

I'm getting so sleepy and no sleep is bad for my brain injury, bah humbug! I want to play this game a bit more! Shoot. Well, I should go to sleep, in fact I probably will very soon. I know that I can always wait until April 2013 to log in at a later time because then my TBI will be completely healed (at least that's what I was told). That's so far away though!

Okay, enough belly aching, I'm going to go to bed. Ha.

Good night, readers :)

Sunday, November 4, 2012

Need to Work on Societal Protocol

Okay, so I knew since finding out about my TBI that I'd be a bit different and somethings would be slightly more difficult. I knew then that I would forget how to be social, how to make decisions towards other people or interact with others. What I didn't know is that it would be so very hard to re-acclimate myself to society without people close by and constant, daily interactions with others. It's just hard, the only person I have close by is my husband and though he is great, he is not very wordy. Then I have our son, but he is not actually talking with real words and sentences yet, thus having conversations with him is a challenge as well.

Fruitcakes, I wish I could figure out a way (or actually have a way) to find more people to socialize with. I did sign up for groups on, various knitting/crochet groups and a couple of baby/mommy groups, but we have no car right now and I still have not done the driver's evaluation with my OT so I can't drive yet. I would take the bus to the meet-ups but the locations are so far away and we don't have that kind of money. I really am at a loss, to be honest.

The one thing that I use is a particular website that I am quite fond of, especially since it is packed with people and I can "converse" in forum method to make sure I'm doing well with my thoughts, decisions and words. The problem with that is there is no particular place for me to actually post my questions where it would be appropriate. I'm nervous and scared I'm annoying some with my constant uncertainty and strange, obvious, I-should-know-the-answer type posts. I do know that I should know the answer to my questions, that I should know if what I'm feeling/thinking/saying/doing is right or wrong. However, I'm not sure, I just don't know anymore and I don't want to be wrong. I'm scared about doing or saying something and being wrong, not about facts but about social interactions.

It would be easier if I knew how to handle wanting to do something but being prevented in the moment, so wanting to continue or finish that thing soon, so that it's off my mind. It would be easier if I knew how to make a decision about interactions with another person who I am no longer comfortable with. It would be easier if I was sure on when to blame another person's sickness or injury or if their behavior or words or thoughts are (in)excusable. Those are things that I would have been able to "handle" before my injury, I wouldn't be so unsure because I would be able to remember how to interact with others-- I honestly cannot remember social interactions, I really wish I could!

Maybe if I ask my doctors about group therapy, that would be an easier or better way for me to get more understanding or sureness of how to be social? Oh, I hope so.

Friday, November 2, 2012

Still Waiting

The insurance companies and the hospital are taking forever! Ugh. I want things to be finished already, this is ridiculous, how hard is it to get all of the information together and give it to my lawyer so this can all be done??? Apparently it is near impossible...blah.

I just want things to be finished so I can start the initial plans I had made in February that I intended to start in June. Since the jerk hit me in March, I haven't been able to do any part of any of the plans that I had. I've been annoyed and the longer this whole thing takes, the more annoyed I get.

All I wanted to do was get our home furnished because we've been living with scraps of donated family furniture for the past almost 2 years. Then I wanted to start college so that I could advance our lives for the better. Finally, we had planned on trying for another baby. Since this accident, everything has been postponed and I'm getting more pissed than annoyed.

Seriously I want to thank the very responsible, man that decided it was a good idea to drive "negligently" down the residential street at 65MPH then hit me....Jerk.

Thursday, November 1, 2012

Our Son

On a completely different note, we brought our son back home! We're so very happy and excited, it's gone well so far. I can't be to certain since it's only been about 2 or 3 days; I really don't remember, but it's been less than 4-5 days. I'm doing well taking care of him, it is difinitely not as hard as it was before. I'm not tired so that's a plus! The only things that I've forgotten are to eat, myself--not anything to do with the boy, which is good.

I've taken on the initiative to teach him a bit of sign language but I think that's going to be more difficult than it should be. I keep forgetting to sign him the appropriate gesture when it would be necessary, like when he is hungry or tired or wants milk. But, hey, I'm trying at least!

The other thing is that I've got plenty of crochet and knit projects that need to be finished and he's so cute because he demands my attention (which is perfectly fine). He loves to be tickled and talked to, or even for me to play with him and his toys. When it's time for us all to eat, he gets excited and starts yelling at me when I'm not feeding him soon or fast enough.

He really is an awesome child and so smart! I'm so happy to have him back, the accident and recovery were so hard and then not to have him was sad and depressing. Now he is back, though and it' is awesome!