Thursday, October 18, 2012

Psychotherapy

I don't even know if that's the right word to use. Anyway, I saw a counselor today, we discussed my current and past traumas. Apparently, I have been through a lot of bad/negative stuff since I was two--that I can remember anyway. Sometimes having a good memory is a Godsend and then, it's not censored, I remember just about every event that's happened since I was two.  Good and bad things, things that a person usually wants to forget; I remember them all. Maybe not the finer details of each event and not every.single.day. However, besides my infant year of birth to one, there is not a year I don't remember some fragment of. (I hope that makes sense) Even pictures from my childhood as early as two, if I see it, I remember it as if it were on video.

I suppose it's a good thing that I've seen approximately 5 psychiatrists/counselors/therapists/psychologists since 2010? Maybe? I'm guessing it's good for each of them, especially if they get my mental health records together. I've told the same story to each one of them, nothing has changed. I feel like a tape recorder, rehearsing my whole life each time. Sometimes I think about drafting an autobiography, not that anyone would read it. I'm not famous I'm just some random woman in the world where "when it rains, it pours" every 3-6 months or so. I'm sure there are thousands, if not millions, of people out there who have been through similar or worse. I really don't think putting my life story out there would make a difference. What's that thing called when you can relate to a person's experiences or past? (Edited 2/10/13: rereading my blog to edit out profanity. Read this sentence, the word I was looking for was "Empathy") Something like association, I don't remember right now. Maybe that's what some people would feel while reading my story? Either way, I'm drafting it up, eventually I'll put it together and highly doubt that it will ever be published. In fact, I'm positive that it won't be, seeing as publishing has certain requirements and I meet none of them.

Bah, no big deal. Just one more thing to add to my "To Do" list, I'll get around to it.

The counselor was sympathetic to all of the things I've been through and what hubby and I are currently going through. We're going to be working on ways or methods for working through these and future traumas. I'm glad that she is the kind of counselor that gives feedback, instead of the usual ones who sit, listen, nod and then prescribe medications. She even gave me a paper on something I had never heard of before: "Radical Acceptance"-- I skimmed over it and in regards to my past, it makes perfect sense; but if I put it up against a different kind of dilemma (like a relative disregarding your parenting choices), it just sounds BSC (You ladies know what I mean *wink*).

Hopefully this will work for us and the fates will aim their diarrhea elsewhere.

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