Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Praying for the Week After Next!

I'm so glad that my recovery is going so well. We may be getting our son back the week after next, it all depends on what my PM&R doctor says. Hopefully she's positive and says that it will be okay! I can't wait, I miss that little guy so much. I haven't taken full time care of him since 03/39/2012, except for maybe 2 days at most. I've missed just about all of his milestones and never experienced any of his firsts. It's awful and depressing.

The most depressing part is that I feel so distant from missing those steps and experiences. It's shameful that I feel that way, and I love him more than life itself! I feel like I'm going to be closer to my next child because I will do everything in my power not to miss anything like I did with our son--isn't that sad?! Logically, I know that I should not feel like that, that no matter what I will be equally close to all of my children and love them all the same. So, why do I feel like that? I am definitely going to try my hardest and work my best at not exhibiting those feelings or making any child feel less than the other.

Wow, just typing that all out, thinking about it and then rereading it, I feel like a complete jerk.

Hopefully the future is better and everything goes well for us. There has got to be more and better things out there that don't involve us being knocked down a peg or ten every other month.

As soon as I hear back from my SSD lawyer, I'll apply for college classes. I am dead-set on becoming a registered nurse. At the very most, I'm thinking nurse practitioner or go into a management field within nursing. I cannot wait to start that journey. How much worse could it get when I start trying to make our lives better? (Hopefully that isn't challenging the fates...)

1 comment:

  1. I just read through your whole story. Wow. You are seriously an amazing person. Such an inspiration. I saw one of your posts on BBC that led me here. I hope you can get your baby boy back in a couple weeks! I'll be praying for you and your family every day.