Thursday, September 13, 2012

Insomnia

I know that I've been suffering from insomnia (undiagnosed) for years. There have always been nights where I just couldn't fall asleep. It's always like my mind keeps going, but I don't know why, I'm never thinking of anything specific. My mind keeps wondering to many different subjects, quickly and won't let me relax. Having this brain injury makes it worse because that is one of the symptoms, not to mention the exhaustion, tiredness and fatigue which is another symptom.

Last night, I was too busy surfing the interwebz to even care about trying to get some sleep. I should have thought logically and known that the interwebz are still going to be there when I wake up. No. I stayed awake until very early in the morning (1AM), for shame. I have appointments today so I had to get up early to be ready to leave for to be on time. Six hours of sleep, after a long day and being marred by exhaustion just is not good for a victim of TBI. Now, I sit here exhausted updating my blog, periodically staring off into space, not being able to keep my thoughts straight and forgetting words or random sentences that I'm meaning to type out. I am totally going to fall asleep on the way to the hospital, then again in the waiting room, then again on the way home.

My insomnia is undiagnosed, but I don't know what else to call it. Ever since I was in elementary school, there were nights that I just could not fall asleep. It would be time for bed and I would just lay there, awake. Sometimes, not thinking of anything, just staring off into space but awake. Other times, I would be so awake, I would get up and rearrange my bedroom because it made no sense to just lay there...awake. Then there were times that I would be doing something that was really fun, interesting or captivating and no matter how tired I was, I would force myself to stay awake. It didn't matter what it was that kept my attention. It could have been television, a book, a computer game, the internet, a video, it just didn't matter and I would stay awake until I finished the task. Last night, it was the internet--something that I should know will still be there when I wake up!

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