Thursday, July 19, 2012

Haven't Taken Care of My Son for 4 Months

I left my son, my infant son, with my sister-in-law on 03/29/2012 so that I could go to work and he would be safe/happy. Getting into the accident, she decided to keep watch over my son until I could again, because my husband had just had heart surgery and was in no shape to look after our son just yet. --Ha ha, when it rains it pours.

She wasn't able to take care of my son for very long, at most 4 days, so my aunts had to take over his care. I really appreciate my aunt’s help because my sister-in-law did something I will never forgive her for; she is now dead to me.

My sister-in-law decided that instead of bringing my son with her where ever she went, she would drop him off with one of her friends. These friends, I didn't know and still don't know, she didn't even get permission from my husband or I. How the heck do we know that her friends didn't abuse our son? I mean, really, what kind of dumb move is that??? --Especially considering both of her sons were abused by "friends" of hers and her boyfriend's. Irresponsibility and lies piss me off.

My aunts, however, are awesome. They take care of my son just like I would and love him so very much--they would never think of giving anyone I am at odds with time with my child because we're fffaaammmiiilllyyy. It's a very stupid pretense to do anything just because you're family, I mean sexually, physically or emotionally abusive family members don't get the privilege of rights to other normal and sane family members.

I haven't taken care of my son since 03/29/2012 because of the accident and brain injury. I'm so very upset because I've missed all 8-11 months of his life and he is now 11 months old. I missed him learning to crawl, stand up, sit up, and eat "solid" baby food, clap and other things. It's heartbreaking that I haven't been there for him these 4 months and it will probably continue well past Halloween!
I really hope that he won't resent me when he's older and learns that I couldn't take care of him. I know I resent my mother, mostly because her lack of parenting stemmed from her need, want and addiction to men and sex. I resent my mother because she is a selfish, terrible person, to the point that I would use foul language to describe her. I hope that my son understands that I had gotten into an unavoidable accident and due to the injuries I sustained I couldn't take care of him.

It is really hard for people to grasp the significance and difficulty associated with brain injuries. My personality has changed, my voice has changed, and my looks changed, my thought processes have changed, a lot of things that made me have changed. I wish that I was like normal, like before the accident but that just will not happen. I get too fatigued, too often. I cannot lift things like I used to. I cannot cook, clean, shop, take care of myself; I can't even take care of my son! I'm glad that my brain injury doesn't affect my temper to where I'm exploding into rages, physically and verbally harming those around me, like so many other TBI victims. The whole fact that I am completely unable to care for him right now breaks my heart and gets me so depressed.

This whole situation sucks.

1 comment:

  1. I'm sorry you're going through this. My husband had a TBI (it was actually his second) when our oldest boy was 10 months old. He spent about a month in the hospital and rehab. When he came home, his mom and I took care of him and our three kids. He would help where he could, but there were somethings he couldn't do.

    He's come a long way since then, but even three years later he tires easier, becomes emotional easier, and his aphasia comes through more as we go into the evening. It is hard for others to understand because he looks fine outwardly except for his trach scar and I don't think it's that noticeable.

    Hang in there. Some days are harder than others and some days seem impossible, but the fact that you've put together this blog and it's content says a lot :).